so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
