yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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