Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
