She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
