My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize