obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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