at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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