upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
