she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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