its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
