There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
