Please, let me fuck your mom
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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