I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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