Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
