So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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