i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
