Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
