Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
