I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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