I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
