everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
