One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
