so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
