I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize