Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
