dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
