I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
