I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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