It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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