IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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