i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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