I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
