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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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