but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
