I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
