So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
