Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
