dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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