I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
