people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
