Can i not drive my cunt home
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
