Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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