Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
