my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
