She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
