I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
