so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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