Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
