I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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