Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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