yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
