Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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