My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think my vagina is haunted
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The air taste purple.
Randomize
