I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Shame - the story of my life.
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