i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
