My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
