Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
