If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
