he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
