then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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