Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
