I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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