the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize