great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
