I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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