there was a trapeze. enough said
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
