areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
