I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
