Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
