the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
