honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
