This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
