everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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