why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
