do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
