so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.