No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sex on roller skates
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.