Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.