y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I agree and I would be an awesome dog