conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
