Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
