i can't believe i had my finger in that
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
