Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
