I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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